Friday, August 22, 2003

I'm going to eat a lot pork and beef for the time being (with the fat still on) and smoke as many cigarettes as I can afford. I'm going to drink till I'm almost drunkthen drink only enough to maintain (rum, Heineken, Johnny Walker Black). I'm going to download music (the White Stripes, Snoop Dogg, that pretentious bitch Alanis Morissette, 50 Cent). I'm going to masturbate. A lot. Maybe I'll pretend that I'm married to Meg White.

My house is in a state of semi-squalor, for instance, I wash the dishes but not the sink. I sweep but don't mop. Nor do I take the garbage outside but it's neatly bagged. I write intermittently, sleep too much or not enough.

I've never stopped finding Katie Couric attractive. Why is that? I don't think she's pretty or particularly smart. I'm quite bafled by it.

If I'm to go by what I've heard the movie Thirteen, written by it's director Catherine Hardwicke and 15 year-old Nikki Reed, represents African-Americans and Latinos as the embodiment of pure evil. Does Kweisi know about this? Would he say anything if he did?
On wanting to be governor of California: "It's like vying to become Roseanne Barr's next husband. Sure you'd get your name in the paper, but look at the mess you'd be getting yourself into."
Har har.
There's another career option down the drain for me. If the Brits keep shit like this up I just might decide not to retire to their country!

Thursday, August 21, 2003

I haven't had anything crack me up this bad in a long time. Maybe that's a sign of how miserable my life has become. Forgive me if you've seen it before.

Wednesday, August 20, 2003

Slice the monkey vomit and dance in a gasoline sky, but tell me that everything is all right. Bitch.
Paranoid:Very High
Avoidant:Very High

-- Personality Disorder Test - Take It! --

I keep telling people that 99.9999% percent of the hatred that the rest of the world feels for America comes not from a war or wars in the Middle East, but from the fact that Americans are percieved as being rich and with (too) many opportunities. The perception results in a desperation to emigrate to America (among the adventurous and confident) and a deep, deeply bigoted hatred for all things American (among the ones who are terrified of stepping out of their little ponds). Among the most virulent US-haters are professors in little Third World colleges who, while deeply impressive to their students, probably wouldn't be able to get a job behind the counter in a Miami Burger King.
Being antiwar means you have to take a position radically different in every respect from the pro-war people and end up sounding as if people jumping out of skyscrapers to escape flames is irrelevant and trivial.

Being smart means you have to say even simple things with big words and complicated phrases and feel contempt for people who use mostly small words.

Being tolerant means that you can't say that the idea of anal sex with another man grosses you out.

Tuesday, August 19, 2003

As obnoxious as I find this newsletter I think this article is definitely post-worthy.
They called the busboy jug-eared! I've been hearing about this contest for years, I intend to eat that steak myself one day. I intend to be a star, folks. I won't forget you, I promise.
Finally, after more than half a century, Germans get to gloat.
"Those Muslims who disown or even criticize their faith publicly are likely to be accused of apostasy, a crime punishable by death under Islamic law–a penalty enforced in a number of Muslim nations, including Iran, Saudi Arabia, and Sudan. But more commonly, the punishment for speaking freely is a kind of social death as the apostate is ostracized by family, friends, and community. Muslim moderates and Western scholars of Islam frequently cite the Koranic verse that affirms there is no compulsion in religion. Yet the weight of Islamic tradition, including the Koran, compels a Muslim to remain Muslim."

Monday, August 18, 2003

I put the comments system up. See? it says "shout out", so I guess it's only fo' my niggaz!

Hey, I have niggaz! Really!
I dislike Ashton Kutcher, being a cocky asshole with the sensiblities of a cocky asshole fratboy is one thing, but if you're going to be smug, do it quietly, please. Naturally, this amuses me. Do you think he plays those practical jokes to make up for something? What does this say about Demi? I mean, it's not his charisma, and since he's no Ron Jeremy...

Sunday, August 17, 2003

I can't imagine what it must do to someone's psyche to know that pretty much every heterosexual man on earth would murder at least three close relatives to be able to have sex with you. Or even just to find a website with (real) nude pictures of you. Britney Spears must be a megalomaniac, she must imagine herself as being worth a thousand normal women.

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